The Power of Attraction

We have all heard about the power of positive thinking. It is one of the most talked about 'secret' to success. Yet, despite the hype and the talk, few people believe in it. Optimists are deemed dreamers. What is it about human nature that makes us believe the worst about any situation? Why is it that in any event, we gravitate towards the darker side of things? Are we at our very core, evil?
I believe that those who call themselves realists are in fact merely lazy. It is easier to believe the worst. It is because there a ready examples of the worst of things. No one talks about successes the same way they do failures. Misfortune draws a bigger audience than happiness. We've come to believe - especially in this century - that happiness and joy are weak emotions, one that only idealists with their head in the clouds strive for.
Especially in Asia too much emphasis has been placed on duty. The conventional wisdom is if you shoulder your duty and carry it out with honour, happiness should not matter. Happiness has become a pariah in the spectrum of emotions allowed of mankind.
This conventional wisdom must change. Happiness is the only point of life. We are put on this earth and given one life to live. If we do not achieve happiness in this lifetime, we have failed and merely existed. Existence without happiness is not an achievement, it is that which is accomplished by animals and plants. A lowly blade of grass achieves existence...it is happiness that sets us apart, it is happiness and conversely unhappiness that makes us human.
You receive what you ask for and you achieve what you expect to achieve. If that is the case, there is no harm in asking for peace, joy and contentment. It would be a crime to expect to achieve less than perfect happiness. That is the power of positive thinking. This is not the weaker emotion. To carry the positive thought and hold on to it in the face of all this resistance, that is true strength. If you can do that, it is quite possible to do anything.
Just Me.

It's the new year!

Well it's here. It's the new year. It's the time of year when most people either look back on the last year and make plans for the future. It's something about this time of year that makes people hopeful like nothing else can. Most people are optimistic at the start of a new year and make resolutions left and right. Parties are hatched to celebrate the end of a year, when in actual fact it is just another day.
Life goes on, nothing actually changes, but come December, inexplicably, there's this feeling that things are coming to an end and that in January, things are going to begin again anew. The truth is, it doesn't. The problems you had in December will still be there in January, the friends are the same, the family is the same, the work is the same...nothing changes, we just want it to.
The saddest thing about the new year, is the attitude of optimism that envelops you, the resolve and the sheer confidence that this year, things will be different, that you will be different. It's energizing and invigorating and it fades in a couple of weeks.
I know I know, that sounds negative and jaded, but it's true. The excitement that comes with the New Year fades over time. For some people, that buzz ends with a hangover from the New Year party, for others, its the slow grind of everyday life that takes its toll. Whatever the reason, it's over.
Am I immune to the excitement and hype of new year? No. Do I have a solution to this cycle of optimism and guilt? Maybe. See I refuse to fall into this trap of planning for the future and resolving to change myself and my environment. I don't know what tomorrow brings, no one does. Why the hell run around trying to plan for a future that may never come.
I am going to be as happy with myself as I can possibly be. The old saying comes to mind that possibly encapsulates my plan.
Take care of today and tomorrow will take care of itself.
I'm gonna try it.
Just me.

Happy Holidays

Yes, yes I know I said Iwould post every week and I actually haven't. I'll make up for my oversight but this brief post is simply to say Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I haven't called or emailed or written anyone for these holidays but rest assured people, the cards are in the mail.

Just Me.

Hypocrisy

Hypocrisy. If there is one thing that I hate, it is hypocrisy. I have recently had to deal with more than my fair share of hypocrisy. There was a wedding in the family recently and somehow I find that it is ocassions such as these that bring out the worst in people.
The mother of the bride, has in my opinion reached such an pinacle of hypocrisy that, I wonder sometimes if she sees two images of herself reflected in the mirror. Not since Tommy Lee Jones portrayal of Batman's nemesis 'Two-Face' have I ever seen such mind boggling double-dealing. A minute with her and she would have you believing she is the reincarnation of Mother Theresa and the victim of malicious scheming the likes of which Joan of Arc had never faced.
The truth is, I've learnt to keep a civil tongue nowadays. Five years ago, most of her raving would have earned her a sharp tongued put down while some of her more venomous remark may even have earned a slap in the face. As it was I let her remarks slide and seethed over it instead. So here's my question. Does that make me a hypocrite?
Just Me.

Promise

Ok I have come to a conclusion. I have concluded that I am the world's worst blogger bar none. I started this blog as an outlet for my creative talent. Or as a constructive outlet for all the pent up anger/depression/joy inside me. Basically it was a place I could write down my thoughts, unedited, as it were and let it go. Looking back, I haven't done that. I've been too afraid to showcase any creative work for fear of harsh criticism and too secretive to share my thoughts on anything. I've been my own worst critic and harshest censor and in the end I've only myself to blame.
This ends today. I will post a new entry at least once a week. I am not going to second guess myself and I will not censor my thoughts or emotions or hamper my creativity. Besides, if getting my thoughts out here into cyberspace helps even one person or at the very least stops my head from exploding, it will have done some good.
Just me.

I was recently accused of being a non-romantic. Do I agree with that accusation? I suppose I must agree. I don't think of this as a drawback. I mean I appreciate a romantic gesture as much as the next person. I like gifts that indicate the giver has put great thought into it. I just think that nowadays people are completely confused as to what is indicative of romance.
Take for instance the classic story "The gift of the Magi." You know the one, where the guy sells his valuable watch to get a beautiful hair comb for his wife's lovely hair. Meanwhile, the wife sells her hair to get him a chain for the watch. Aww...what rubbish! I mean seriously, this is supposed to be romantic? How is this romantic? How is it romantic that he has a chain for a watch he no longer owns and she has a comb for hair she no longer has! It's a lose/lose situation. I mean if they'd talked to each other, they could have pooled their money and bought a decent bed or a proper meal or something. Practical...definitely, but you can't tell me that it isn't romantic. I mean something they've both worked for and something they can both enjoy together? That's got to be more romantic than the original version.
So yes I am not a bleeding heart romantic but I think that's a good thing. There are too many bloody bleeding heart sentimentalists out there who put value to the most ludicrous things. Valentine has been turned into a three ringed circus! Where is the love, today it's all about who got the biggest bouquet and the most expensive gift. I wish people would start using their heads just a little bit. I mean for crying out loud, the grey stuff between your ears? It's not just there as stuffing you know!
Just me.

I've been tagged

Ok, I haven't really been tagged but I thought this was as good a way as any of updating my blog. So here goes.

7 things I plan to do before I die.

1. Lose weight. Those of you who know me...well enough said.
2. Get a tattoo. This will only happen of course, if I have lost weight, and if my skin doesn't react violently to the ink which could bloody happen.
3. Write a novel. I really want to do this, but I haven't been struck by inspiration as yet. I have no topic to write on. I want to write something other than mindless romantic crap although (and I say this very sadly) I've been told that I do fluff and angst and porn extremely well.
4. Go on a cruise around the world. I've traveled quite a bit but this is one thing that I have yet to do.
5. Go on one of those flights that simulate zero gravity. I would love to actually go to space but let's be realistic here.
6. Visit a hydrosphere. What? If I go up I have to come down...all the way down don't ya think?
7. Be this really ultra famous barrister. Hopefully this will happen.

7 I could do.

1. Get through my fucking resits!
2. Achieve a good grade on my LLM.
3. Get a pupillage with a reputable firm for next year.
4. Get an internship with the ECJ or the ICJ.
5. Learn French.
6. Learn German.
7. Learn Spanish.

7 Celebrity Crushes

1. Gary Dourdan
2. George Eads
3. Vin Diesel
4. Will Smith
5. Hugh Jackman/Ryan Reynolds (Hey I've got a list of hundreds...you're lucky I narrowed it down to seven.)
6. Orlando Bloom
7. Angelina Jolie

7 Often Repeated Words

1. Fuck
2. Shit/Shite
3. Bloody
4. Bugger
5. Goddamned
6. Hell
7. Damn

Oh bloody hell I swear a lot! Oops I did it again! Let's just quit now while I'm ahead.

7 Physical Traits That I Look For In The Opposite Sex

1. Tall. (6 feet at least) What can I say I have a thing for tall men.
2. They've got to be built. I don't mean this in a six pack kind of way but they cannot be skinny. I mean I draw the line at any one who's wiry and lanky and skin and bones. I would prefer that my men do not look like they're refugees from Ethiopia.
3. Broad shouldered. The kind you can grab on to. The sort that make you feel like you can rest your burdens on them for a bit and they won't collapse.
4. Nice ass. Enough said.
5. Long legs. Goes hand in hand with the tall bit I suppose.
6. Big Hands. Not for those reasons you perverts! Get your minds out of the gutter. I just like the fact that if they have big hands, mine will look small in comparison.
7. Nice voice. Think Vin Diesel here, kinda smoky, kinda gravelly, all deep!

Having said all that. These are not the things I actually look for in a man. I mean come on. Physical traits? Guys with the physical traits you want are a dime a dozen. What I really look for in a man are the following:

1. Someone who I can talk to. He doesn't necessarily have to agree with my point of view but he would be willing to listen and at least have cogent and relevant arguments as to why he doesn't agree with me.
2. Someone who understands me. I don't want a mind reader but someone who will give me the benefit of the doubt when I do something that he doesn't actually like. I don't verbalise my needs very well so I need somebody who will be able to understand me and maybe provide me with some comfort.
3. Someone who is honest. This is non-negotiable.
4. Someone who is trustworthy. Something else that is non-negotiable.
5. Someone who is hardworking and intelligent. I do not tolerate fools. I don't want Einstein but I do insist that the person has general knowledge, is semi well read, has a viewpoint on something other than bloody football.
6. Someone who is strong. I have a very strong personality and I need someone who is strong enough to stand up to me without trying to control me. I don't want someone overbearing but I need someone who I don't have to worry about using as a doormat.
7. Someone who is dependable. I need someone who I can depend on. This has to be someone who I can share things with. I need someone whom I can trust to get things done. Someone who will share my burdens and not be overwhelmed. I'll give as good as I've got but the whole point of a life partner is someone who will go fifty-fifty on everything. The ups, the downs, the problems and the solutions.

7 People I Can Tag

Well any of the like 5 people who actually read this blog.

I hope you've enjoyed this read.
Just Me.

Why?

I wish that someone could live my life for me. People make things seem so easy. I don’t know. I just seem to screw things up all the time. And I don’t even know why I do the things I do sometimes. I mean my problems usually come down to one thing. I failed to act at a time when I should have. And why didn’t I act? Usually because I’m too lazy to do it. I am not a lazy person by nature. I mean I put in so much effort in so many areas, just ask anyone. I will give my life’s blood to help out a friend in need. I will go out of my way to do the research for a friend’s project. So why the hell can’t I sort out my own things?
Even in the midst of crushing defeat I am more concerned about the outcome of a friend’s exam or hardships. I don’t care what happens to me. No that’s not exactly true. I do care. I just hope that I will come through it without any substantial scarring. I know that it doesn’t happen. More often than not, my friend’s get through their troubles with next to no help from me and I’m still stuck with my disasters. So what do I do? Why do I do the things that I do?
I wish I could wipe out my whole life and start over. Still there’s a niggling doubt at the back of my head that says even if I did that I would end up in exactly the same position I am in now.
Somebody just shoot me and get it over with. I’m doing no one any good being here and I’m certainly not doing myself any good.

The Trojan War. It was meant to be the greatest war the world has ever known. Yet what was the point of it all? The folly of one man. The pride of another. The quest for glory, world domination, greed. Thousands of years ago, this war was fought. Men died, cities burned, history was made they say. Yet what have we gained from this great war? Nothing! There is nothing to be gained by war. Only death and destruction. There is no glory in death, there is only death! Death is the end of the journey. It is final as nothing else in this world.
What have men learned from the mistakes of the past? Nothing! It would seem that we are impervious to such lessons. Each generation goes on, vowing never to repeat the mistakes of the past, yet again and again we do. The Trojan War. The World Wars. The Vietnam War. The Sino-Japanese War. The war in Kashmir. The war in Israel. The Gulf War. The war against Terror. Men died in these wars, believing they were fighting to make the world a better place. The truth is, war breeds war. The victor on the field today will be the dead on the field tomorrow. Everyone dies. A soldier believes it is better to die in honour and glory than to die like a coward, old and toothless in bed. Yet it is death that is the ultimate victor. There is no sense in war. There is no sense in fighting. There is no sense in violence. There is only anger and hatred and pain. Ultimately there is death.
Can all the wrongs in the world be righted by the blood of innocents? Can it be put to right by the blood of the damned? Will the sins of this generation end if all the blood of the wrongdoers is spilt today? Or will we go on to make the same mistakes? Will we blindly follow the paths that seem so different to us, yet that lead us to the same end?
It seems that this is inevitable. Men are creatures of bloodshed and death. We are mortal, our lives brief. Yet we choose to throw it all away in the pursuit of glory, of honour, of happiness. We plant the seeds of our destructions in the fields of our success. Men are creatures who look at the future and therein lies our failure. Therein lies our weakness. Like the prophetess Cassandra who always predicted the future but was never believed, history cries out its warnings. Those warnings fall on deaf ears. Pleadings that drop like stones into the bottomless pools of ignorance.
We believe that we are invincible. We believe that we are smarter than our forefathers. We are not. We have technology that our ancestors did not, yet the same weakness runs in our veins. The same bloodlust. We have come a long way from the time of Achilles and Hector. Yet today a thousand Hectors and a thousand Achilles’ fight on and die on battlefields, uncounted, unsung, fallen heroes for whom there will be no tomorrow. For what did they give their lives? For whom did they shed their blood? Will it comfort their loved ones, now that they are dead and gone that they fought for honour? For glory? For what they believed was right.
Men say they fight because the other man does. The beginning has to come somewhere. Someone will have to stand up and say “I have seen the folly of our ways. It must end. Let it start with me.”
Just Me.

I was party to an interesting debate the other day. A friend of mine who had been in a bad relationship said “99.9% of all men cannot be trusted.” I don’t usually like general statements like that. I believe you should not generalize. The world is made up of individuals that cannot be put into convenient categories. It is not possible nor is it right to label people.
I believe that labeling people merely limits our understanding of them. If you walk into a relationship with a preconceived notion of how that person is, you rarely see past your own misconceptions. First impressions are the hardest to change and therefore have to be made with care. It is utter stupidity to dismiss someone based on the way that person looks or dresses. The truth is that many of us, myself included make split second judgments of people we have just met. That split second assessment is rarely correct. We can delude ourselves that we are perceptive. Many of my friends pride themselves on the imagined ability to assess someone at a glance. All they are doing is putting a label on them based on assumptions. Once the label is in place, it is virtually impossible to remove and therein lies the mistake. The person they have ‘assessed’ is not given a chance.
Meeting someone for the first time is a daunting prospect especially if it’s someone you want to make an impression on. It doesn’t get any easier either. I know how it is with me and I cannot speak for anyone else. I break out in a cold sweat and I agonize about what to say and how not to appear a complete moron. There have been occasions where I have jinxed myself. I agonize about what to say and how to say it and end up being a complete robot. If this isn’t an isolated example and I am hoping it isn’t, then there are people out there who have doomed themselves simply by being nervous. Who is the loser in scenarios like this one? Is it the person who makes a bad first impression and forever doomed to wear the label stuck on him by the other person? Or is it the other person, the one who has made a split second decision, possibly losing out on a good friend?
In my opinion, the loser will always be the hasty uncompromising person. We live in a world of contradictions. Simply because a person is uncomfortable in a social situation does not mean that they are uncouth. Simply because a person prefers casual dress does not make them a hippie. Slapping labels on people is very easy. In my opinion though, it deprives us. It deprives us of the opportunity of forming a lasting friendship. So go on give people a chance. If you leave your mind open, people will surprise you.
Just Me.

This is the age of the computer. Information is available throughout the world via the internet. Education is more readily available today then it was a hundred years ago. Women now contribute to the society not simply by being homemakers, they are out there making up a huge percentage of the workforce. There are women now in all walks of life. It has become commonplace for women to be in law enforcement, quick response teams, the military and many other fields which were previously dominated by men.
The women in these professions earned their places by hard work and dedication. Sometimes, they sacrificed everything they had to do their jobs. This has made it easier for other women to follow in their footsteps. Yet still all over the world women are oppressed. They are looked down upon in many ways. They are considered incapable of looking after themselves. Women are patronised and not only by religious fanatics who misinterpret the holy word but by well educated men and other women.
I have recently met a few people who consider the women they are dating to be totally incapable of taking care of themselves. One of them use the poor excuse that the woman he is dating is young and immature. While that may be true, she is not a total imbecile. This is just one of the many ways that women are looked down upon. Why is it that people are slowly accepting a woman's place in the workforce yet, consider women still totally incapable of self preservation?
It is in not merely annoying, it is insulting. Imagine telling a young professional man that it is not safe to take a cab home at night alone? He'd laugh. However, no one thinks twice about telling a woman the same thing. What makes a woman more vulnerable? This is the day and age where men are raped as well as women. We perpetuate the image that women are weaker and easier targets simply by handing out this random bits of advice. If more people started advicing men to be mor careful as well as women, perhaps a criminal will start thinking that maybe a women is not such an easy prey after all. People are people the world over. The fact the they are male or female is just a random choice of nature. Women don't have the words 'weaker sex' tattooed across their forehead and men are not stronger simply because they are men.
Start treating people as individuals and not as male or female. There are strong individuals and there are weak individuals, what gender they may be is completely irrelevant.
Just Me.

Astrology, fortune telling, divination, tarot cards, cyrstal balls. Some of the methods used to tell the future. We're so preoccupied with the future. That's what we think about all the time. Everything we do is geared towards the future. In work, in study, in play no one thinks about where the are, except when they are thinking about it in relation to where the want to be. I am reminded of Yoda in the Empire Strikes Back. He was saying that Luke was always thinking of the future. His mind always on where he wanted to be never on where he is. I think that is true of all us. We spend our childhood eagerly waiting to grow up. Rushing toward it. Then we progress into our teens thinking we're adults. We rush about trying to be 'grown up'. We speed along the path looking ahead always trying to catch up and be somewhere else. We end up frustrated that we never get to where we're going because where we want to be is always far off in the future. We never realise that the reason for our unhappiness and frustration is our own ever changing expectations. Our expectations keep moving ahead. We reach the goals we set for ourselves today and then we discover that we've already set a new goal. Then we realise that we can never reach our goals because they move as we do. They move forward as we move forward. As if that isn't bad enough, we're also curious. There is a burning desire to know what lies in our future, to see if we can evade the bad luck that lies ahead. My cousin was told that in his future lies a terrible accident. Now he is sitting grounded by his mother because death is supposed to haunt him on wheels. I can't say I don't believe in divination but if we were to believe in everything that is predicted in our future, we'd never leave the house and still we'd die if our time were up. Live your life to the fullest. That way you die with no regrets. A friend once told me the most profound thing I have ever heard. He said, we start dying from the moment we are born. And if that is true and there is no doubt that it is, the only thing we can do is to enjoy the life that we have been given. We were put on this world to learn. We learn everyday. We have lessons that are taught to us everyday that we are alive. We learn to be better people. That's the meaning of life. If we were to concentrate on the present and a little less on the future, I have no doubt that we would be happier.
Always believe that where you are today is exactly where you were meant to be.
Just Me.

Relationships. This is something everyone has experienced. I don't mean relationships in a romantic sense. I mean relationship in an everyday sense. We have a relationship with everyone we are close to. Everyone has had a relationship go sour on them and sometimes their left feeling totally confused. I know that's how I feel. There are friendships that I was so certain would last but now only a year later has turned into something less then a casual accquaintance. I don't know what went wrong. I mean we were friends and we were good friends and then suddenly we weren't any more. I don't know if it's the distance or the difference in professions or something else entirely. I mean I thought things were going great. It certainly seemed that way. The emails were always lively and fun. We kept in touch and we kept each other informed of the events in our lives and then suddenly the emails stopped.
I suppose relationships are hard even on a good day and this is just a prime example. I generally don't have a problem keeping friends. I mean, my best friend has been around for 17 years now and we're still going strong. Sometimes I think it's just a personality clash. Mostly, I think it's the fact that people are afraid to be honest. They are afraid to be honest with other people and they afraid to be honest with themselves. It is difficult I know that. Honesty can really hurt. Especially when it comes the time to admit something not so nice about yourself. The only cure for that is to remember that everyone has their little flaws and that no one is perfect. If anyone claims to be perfect that person is lying. Perfection is an ideal, it is something to strive for. The only problem is by the time you achieve it, you've been dead for a couple of years. Cheerful thought isn't it?
Honesty goes a long way in helping smooth the troubled waters of the relationship sea. It keeps the pretence to the minimum and it takes all the guess work out of the situation. It certainly helps things, because I know from experience that most people are just bad at guesswork. I should know, I suck at it. So let's all try and be a little more open, a little more honest and maybe, we won't have to work so hard at relationships.
Just Me.

I have exams. They drive me crazy. You know recently I attended a conference where one of the topics of discussion was "Are examinations a violation of our children's rights?" I was very interested in that of course. I was also very surprised by the audience at the conference. There were a number of students as well as educators there, and it was very interesting to note that, a lot of the students did not seem to think that exams violated our rights. I suppose it's a sign of maturity that these students recognise examinations as a necessary evil. Are examinations a violation of our rights? I suppose there isn't an easy answer to that. I suppose there has to be some way of evaluating our progress in our education. If there weren't any examinations, how would we know if the student has learned anything. I mean putting a child in a level of education he or she isn't prepared for is more cruel than anything an exam can cause. However, as with many other things, we have taken a good idea like an exam and become very stupid about it. Come on, what is the point of examining kindergarten children for crying out loud!
I think the answer lies in our approach to exams. Exams aren't evil but neither are they the life and death ordeal many students seem to think they are. Examinations are only a method of evaluation. I think the emphasis we place on exams are wrong. I can't think of an answer, especially now that I am quite wrung out from my examinations preparations but I feel that we place too much pressure on our children to get good grades. It doesn't matter that the good grades don't seem to correlate to a better life, parents seem to think that if you do well in exams your life will magically fall in place. The truth is rather more complicated than that. The top students in school were always the ones who no one knew. No one knew them because they were shut away in their rooms, studying, or running from one tuition to another. These kids spend their formative years shut away in the dark forgetting any social skills they may have picked up. They grow up into brilliant but dysfunctional adults. this is always true of course, but everyone agrees that genius is just the flip side of the coin from insanity. It's a mark of our time that we tolerate insanity more readily, we welcome it in fact. Still I think pressuring the children to excel in their studies at the expense of living is just plain mean. Hopefully starting now, we will remember that examinations are just a matter of evaluation. Hopefully with this realisation, less children will feel pressured to kill themselves over bad results.
Just Me.

I just watched Bend It Like Beckham. I loved it! It was a very cool. I think the movie managed to capture the conflict that many of us face today. I am speaking for the Indian community of course, but I think the situation is similar in other cultures as well. In the movie, the whole contradiction of the Indian society in England is well portrayed. It is difficult to live in a society that is totally alien to you. The natural reaction of people who are in this situation is to cling to the familiar instead of embracing the differences. It alienates them further from those around them and creates tension and mistrust that is difficult to alieviate. The movie really presented the facts like they are. It's difficult to be a part of society if you spend all the time closeted with a certain group of people. The Indian community has been in England for ages now and they still barely get along with the rest of the society. They don't trust the whites and they think they're mistreated and the whites feel the same way.
I mean I know what it's like to be an Indian in a community like that. It's alright to mix around with them but it's not okay to get too close. How can you be somone's friend if you don't look beneath the surface? How can you have an honest relationship if you don't allow your true self to shine through? The problem is, most of them think that they're better then everyone else. That's not the way to make any friendship. Many still carry a grudge from 50 years ago and we all know how well that works. This generation is still being blamed for the mistakes of the last generation and in blaming them we're ensuring that the next generation will never be different.
Just Me.

I have a grievance. I hate rude people. People who are bad mannered just rub me the wrong way. The worst thing, it's a culture. We have made it a culture to be rude to our peers. We see it as a sign of closeness. It isn't. It's just plain rude. The more time I spend with my friends, the more I see their bad manners. I am not talking about cussing and swearing. That happens often enough and I am not about to tell someone how they should express themselves. I mean instances where people take you for granted. Where you are 'ordered' to do a favour without so much as a 'please'. I think it's only fair that if you're asking someone for a favour, you have the courtesy to ask them nicely. How difficult can it be? How much effort would it take to be nice to someone? Would it be too much to ask for some pleasantness? They say familiarity breeds contempt, and the things I've seen among friends and family certainly prove that. Does it have to be that way, though? Surely it doesn't take that much effort to be civil does it? Taking someone for granted should be outlawed!
Just Me