Why?

I wish that someone could live my life for me. People make things seem so easy. I don’t know. I just seem to screw things up all the time. And I don’t even know why I do the things I do sometimes. I mean my problems usually come down to one thing. I failed to act at a time when I should have. And why didn’t I act? Usually because I’m too lazy to do it. I am not a lazy person by nature. I mean I put in so much effort in so many areas, just ask anyone. I will give my life’s blood to help out a friend in need. I will go out of my way to do the research for a friend’s project. So why the hell can’t I sort out my own things?
Even in the midst of crushing defeat I am more concerned about the outcome of a friend’s exam or hardships. I don’t care what happens to me. No that’s not exactly true. I do care. I just hope that I will come through it without any substantial scarring. I know that it doesn’t happen. More often than not, my friend’s get through their troubles with next to no help from me and I’m still stuck with my disasters. So what do I do? Why do I do the things that I do?
I wish I could wipe out my whole life and start over. Still there’s a niggling doubt at the back of my head that says even if I did that I would end up in exactly the same position I am in now.
Somebody just shoot me and get it over with. I’m doing no one any good being here and I’m certainly not doing myself any good.