ALL THE SKILLS THAT GOT YOU PROMOTED ARE NO LONGER RELEVANT

 Today was eye opening. 

It also brought out the competitive side of me. I need to take control of my job. I have spent too long fighting fires. I need to spend more time making things less flammable. 

I realise that as much as I would like to believe that I am able to multi-task and I am actually able to well enough, the unfinished business looming in the background throws me. 

I cannot focus on the task at hand because my neuro divergent brain is still harping on some unfinished thing in the background. 

I realise that maybe the anti-anxiety medications didn't actually make that much of a difference because it was not the correct medication for me. I need ADHD medication not anxiety meds. 

Just Me.

ADHD

Is it hypochondria or am I actually as ADHD as I think I am?

All the symptoms fit. All the side effects. 

I have the accompanying ADHD body and depression. 

I don't know why it matters to me. Who cares if I actually have ADHD? What material difference does that make? Is there any way knowing this is going to make things easier for me?

Yet, I feel relieved. I feel relieved knowing I am not the only who feels this way. That I have a community to reach out to. 

Not that I am ever going to. 

Just Me!