It was 2.00 o’clock in the afternoon on the 28th of August 2001. I sat in the front row of the classroom, waiting for the lecturer of my Constitutional Law class. Most of my classmates had assembled. A little later, the door opens and in walks this tall young man with, what to me, seemed like a girl on each arm. He was a young Chinese lad with a really thick silver bracelet on one arm, eye catching silver rings on the fingers of his right hand and sunglasses on. He didn’t remove the shades even though he was indoors and I was struck by how incredibly ‘dangerous’ he looked. Now had anyone asked me at that point whether I would be anything more than a classmate to this young man, I would have laughed. Truth be told, I was not planning on forming any lasting friendships. I was in a bad place in my life at that time. I was planning on completing my studies and being done with it. No attachments, no strings, get in and out without getting involved in any way. Eight years on, that young man is one of my closest friends. I just attended his wedding and he married another classmate in a beautiful ceremony that was followed by a splendid reception.
It has been a long and adventurous journey and I wouldn’t change it for anything. In fact, I even welcome the events that led up to that fateful meeting. I cannot regret the awful events that led to my presence in that classroom. If I were to regret the path I had chosen, it would mean regretting the friends I have made in that time. I could never regret the friends that I have made, not even inadvertently. Two friends have been polarizing influences in the last 8 years and both of them I met that day. The first was not the young man that caught my eye in class. The first was a sweet, young, innocent of a girl, who like me was nervous enough about being unable to find the classroom in time that she, like me, had shown up a full thirty minutes before class had begun. It is perhaps unusual that in a class of only 18 students I had found not one but two kindred spirits. I did not know it then but that meeting marked the beginning of a journey that is still ongoing today. A journey that I hope will last our lifetimes. Though we have each embarked on routes and pathways that vary and at times we meander through life with minimal contact, yet our hearts and spirits are always entwined.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
God Grant Me Patience
This is an update about the planned trip to the US that my family was supposed to make. Unfortunately because they spent so much time ‘faffing’ about the details of the trip, it never happened. So it fell to me to plan a mini vacation for my mother and sister in lieu of the US trip.
The downside of that plan was of course the fact that I was still planning this mini vacation for the same fickle, hard to please, bunch of people. Needless to say, I faced the same problems. I finally settled taking them on little two day breaks to places like Lumut, Genting, and Port Dickson. Of course, I planned it around the myriad of things that my mother had to do. While she was willing to put aside these things for a trip to the States, obviously she wasn’t going to put it aside for these mini vacations.
Despite my careful planning, my entire schedule went to hell in a hand basket. Firstly my mother didn’t want to go to Lumut, she preferred to go to Genting Highlands instead. In accordance with her wishes, we decided that we would spend more time in the casino in Genting instead. However, in keeping with our bad luck, there was a landslide on the road to Genting. My mother then vetoed the trip up the Highland, which even I was understandably nervous about, considering I would be the one doing the driving. Anyway, the three location mini vacation became just a single overnight stay at Port Dickson, because I had vouchers for a 2 day 1 night stay at a place called Eagle Ranch Resort. The brochure looked very inviting and we were excited about it. However, it was only upon arrival that we discovered an isolated ranch style resort, miles away from the beach with nothing to recommend it but the groovy living quarters. I could go on about the horrible place but that’s another story altogether.
So my sister was on a month long break and we effectively did nothing at all. She was happy to do nothing and during that month, so was my mother. However, the moment the month ended, my mother began complaining about the lack of activity, which admittedly I completely expected. I knew going into this month of ‘relaxation’ that I would be damned if I do, damned if I don’t. True to my expectations that was exactly what happened.
Instead my mother, my sister and I spent the entire month shopping, visiting family and just generally lounging. I played chauffeur to them 24/7 for an entire month and then drove them up north when my sister’s holiday ended, spent a week there preparing for Deepavalli, and celebrated the Festival of Lights up north with my extended family. My only consolation for this hellish nightmare was the fact that I looked awesome. The weight loss is marvellous. I feel fantastic and I look almost normal, i.e. I don’t look like the Marshmallow Man, or woman.
So after babysitting my mother and sister for a month, driving them around and catering to their fickle whims, I am now stuck babysitting my father! Dear God, give me the patience to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Most of all, I beg you dear God, give me the strength to survive my family!
Just Me.
The downside of that plan was of course the fact that I was still planning this mini vacation for the same fickle, hard to please, bunch of people. Needless to say, I faced the same problems. I finally settled taking them on little two day breaks to places like Lumut, Genting, and Port Dickson. Of course, I planned it around the myriad of things that my mother had to do. While she was willing to put aside these things for a trip to the States, obviously she wasn’t going to put it aside for these mini vacations.
Despite my careful planning, my entire schedule went to hell in a hand basket. Firstly my mother didn’t want to go to Lumut, she preferred to go to Genting Highlands instead. In accordance with her wishes, we decided that we would spend more time in the casino in Genting instead. However, in keeping with our bad luck, there was a landslide on the road to Genting. My mother then vetoed the trip up the Highland, which even I was understandably nervous about, considering I would be the one doing the driving. Anyway, the three location mini vacation became just a single overnight stay at Port Dickson, because I had vouchers for a 2 day 1 night stay at a place called Eagle Ranch Resort. The brochure looked very inviting and we were excited about it. However, it was only upon arrival that we discovered an isolated ranch style resort, miles away from the beach with nothing to recommend it but the groovy living quarters. I could go on about the horrible place but that’s another story altogether.
So my sister was on a month long break and we effectively did nothing at all. She was happy to do nothing and during that month, so was my mother. However, the moment the month ended, my mother began complaining about the lack of activity, which admittedly I completely expected. I knew going into this month of ‘relaxation’ that I would be damned if I do, damned if I don’t. True to my expectations that was exactly what happened.
Instead my mother, my sister and I spent the entire month shopping, visiting family and just generally lounging. I played chauffeur to them 24/7 for an entire month and then drove them up north when my sister’s holiday ended, spent a week there preparing for Deepavalli, and celebrated the Festival of Lights up north with my extended family. My only consolation for this hellish nightmare was the fact that I looked awesome. The weight loss is marvellous. I feel fantastic and I look almost normal, i.e. I don’t look like the Marshmallow Man, or woman.
So after babysitting my mother and sister for a month, driving them around and catering to their fickle whims, I am now stuck babysitting my father! Dear God, give me the patience to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Most of all, I beg you dear God, give me the strength to survive my family!
Just Me.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Alienation
I feel strangely disconnected. Strangely I say, though truth be told, it’s hardly strange that I feel alone in this surging tide pool of human interaction. It is impossible to feel alone if you’re alone. Loneliness only hits when you compare your own lack of company to the company those around you keep. When you’re by yourself it doesn’t bother you that all you have are your thoughts. Most often those thoughts are highly informative and deeply enlightening. When you’re by yourself in a crowd, only then is loneliness brought home to you. As I sit here by myself surrounded by the families and friends, I feel alone. I feel cut off. I am an island of solitude in a sea of grasping connectivity. I do not wish this loneliness, this melancholy, yet in the same breath I do not wish the company of others. I have yearned for independence and now it lays shining within my grasp but loneliness eats away at my resolve. Loneliness in a crowd. Only in a crowd can the fact of your loneliness be made plain to you. Only in the face of the abundance of kinship can your own lack be made abundantly clear. My loneliness has been made clear to me. I resent it, yet I welcome it.
Just Me.
Just Me.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Travel and Living
My family is going to visit my brother in the United States next month. I have been asked many times why I don't choose to go with them on these trips. Truth is, I miss my brother. I miss very much. He is the only brother I have and I haven't laid eyes on him in ten years. However, the thought of travelling to America to see him with my entire family is less than appealing.
Let me recap the tale of this year's trip thus far. Bear in mind, they plan to take this trip next month and my father should be joining them from wherever in the world he will be at that time. Also remember, that this trip has been talked about for about three months already. We've yet to book the tickets, in fact, until two weeks ago we did not know when in September they would leave. Admittedly, the uncertainty was unavoidable because my sister is in her third year of university and the college hadn't released the exam timetable until two weeks ago. My mother refuses to travel on her own, so they had to wait for my sister. It would cost more for my father to fly back to Malaysia and then fly with my mother. So I understand the delay in pinning down the date of travel.
But the "debating" that has been going on since then. I'm not even going on this blasted trip and I'm annoyed beyond belief. My mother made a fuss about the 5 hour stopover, she made a fuss about the port of entry, she made a fuss about whether she could trust the men in our family to show up at said port of entry when they said they would, she made a fuss about the cost of the flight tickets. My father, dithered about port of entry, whether he would be able to get time off to even go on this vacation, whether he could plan it in a way that would coincide with a business trip so he could claim the airfare, whether he needed to spend all that time with my brother, the cost of the tickets, the timing of the vacation, the port of entry (yes again), the timing of the vacation, whether he'd be able to make it, whether my brother would be able to make it, whether they should break the journey in San Francisco.
My brother in a fit of extreme organisation, went ahead and booked his tickets to Frisco the moment he had the dates. Oh my god! He's gone ahead and booked himself a seven day break in Frisco. Of course that doesn't sit well with my father because, it wasn't his plan. And my mother is fussing about the extremely long journey home that she will have to make.
My solution, spend 7 days in Frisco and come the fuck home! I feel for my brother, he hasn't seen my mom in 2 years but dude, if he would just get his act together and sort out his bloody PR, he wouldn't have this problem. He could just come HOME for a visit.
All this drama, for a simple fucking family vacation! I'm running my tail off trying to coordinate this and I'M NOT EVEN GOING!!!!
At this point the fact that I'm not going is a bloody good thing...because I would have bitten someone's head off by now.
Bloody Hell!
Just Me.
Let me recap the tale of this year's trip thus far. Bear in mind, they plan to take this trip next month and my father should be joining them from wherever in the world he will be at that time. Also remember, that this trip has been talked about for about three months already. We've yet to book the tickets, in fact, until two weeks ago we did not know when in September they would leave. Admittedly, the uncertainty was unavoidable because my sister is in her third year of university and the college hadn't released the exam timetable until two weeks ago. My mother refuses to travel on her own, so they had to wait for my sister. It would cost more for my father to fly back to Malaysia and then fly with my mother. So I understand the delay in pinning down the date of travel.
But the "debating" that has been going on since then. I'm not even going on this blasted trip and I'm annoyed beyond belief. My mother made a fuss about the 5 hour stopover, she made a fuss about the port of entry, she made a fuss about whether she could trust the men in our family to show up at said port of entry when they said they would, she made a fuss about the cost of the flight tickets. My father, dithered about port of entry, whether he would be able to get time off to even go on this vacation, whether he could plan it in a way that would coincide with a business trip so he could claim the airfare, whether he needed to spend all that time with my brother, the cost of the tickets, the timing of the vacation, the port of entry (yes again), the timing of the vacation, whether he'd be able to make it, whether my brother would be able to make it, whether they should break the journey in San Francisco.
My brother in a fit of extreme organisation, went ahead and booked his tickets to Frisco the moment he had the dates. Oh my god! He's gone ahead and booked himself a seven day break in Frisco. Of course that doesn't sit well with my father because, it wasn't his plan. And my mother is fussing about the extremely long journey home that she will have to make.
My solution, spend 7 days in Frisco and come the fuck home! I feel for my brother, he hasn't seen my mom in 2 years but dude, if he would just get his act together and sort out his bloody PR, he wouldn't have this problem. He could just come HOME for a visit.
All this drama, for a simple fucking family vacation! I'm running my tail off trying to coordinate this and I'M NOT EVEN GOING!!!!
At this point the fact that I'm not going is a bloody good thing...because I would have bitten someone's head off by now.
Bloody Hell!
Just Me.
Sunday, August 09, 2009
The Mall Hop
My friend and I have recently embarked on a quest. It is a quest of discovery and it is one which we have unknowingly begun.
It started as a way to relieve boredom. Coupled with my new found skill behind the wheel and a more than adequate ability to navigate, we decided to go mall hopping. Now anyone who knows me will readily attest to the fact that I am not a great shopper. However, my friend is an avid one and rather than spend time cooped up in one another's houses, this is what we came up with. I am still trying to put in order all my thoughts regarding the malls we have visited so far, but once I have I will post about it, as per my promise to my shopper pal.
Just Me.
It started as a way to relieve boredom. Coupled with my new found skill behind the wheel and a more than adequate ability to navigate, we decided to go mall hopping. Now anyone who knows me will readily attest to the fact that I am not a great shopper. However, my friend is an avid one and rather than spend time cooped up in one another's houses, this is what we came up with. I am still trying to put in order all my thoughts regarding the malls we have visited so far, but once I have I will post about it, as per my promise to my shopper pal.
Just Me.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Vagaries of Memory
Every creature on the planet, be it mammal, reptile, insect or bird, share one feature; a brain. Every brain, regardless of what it belongs to, share one feature; memory. Animals use this function to remember the location of food and danger.
Human beings, are so advanced intellectually that we have created devices that remember for us. Mobile phones, PDAs, and so on. These devices remember with no bias and that is very necessary. This is because memory like truth, depends very much upon your point of view. No memory is infallible, personal beliefs, opinions and emotions colour every thing.
It is difficult to explain and many will likely disbelieve it, but our view of the world depends very much on the precepts that lie within our mind. The mind is all powerful, and the beliefs it holds can alter our very reality.
Case in point, I have a fairly accurate memory but there are occasions where my memory differs from the recollection of others. This is mostly true of situations with my mother. She rarely ever remembers things the same way that I do. This is why remembering devices are so important. Although knowing my mother, she wouldn't even believe the evidence of such devices. I dread to think that this is what I have to look forward to.
Just Me.
Human beings, are so advanced intellectually that we have created devices that remember for us. Mobile phones, PDAs, and so on. These devices remember with no bias and that is very necessary. This is because memory like truth, depends very much upon your point of view. No memory is infallible, personal beliefs, opinions and emotions colour every thing.
It is difficult to explain and many will likely disbelieve it, but our view of the world depends very much on the precepts that lie within our mind. The mind is all powerful, and the beliefs it holds can alter our very reality.
Case in point, I have a fairly accurate memory but there are occasions where my memory differs from the recollection of others. This is mostly true of situations with my mother. She rarely ever remembers things the same way that I do. This is why remembering devices are so important. Although knowing my mother, she wouldn't even believe the evidence of such devices. I dread to think that this is what I have to look forward to.
Just Me.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The Best And The Worst
Tragedy brings out the worst in people. My family recently went through a tragedy and I have discovered the truth of this saying.
My grand uncle passed away on Sunday. He was a 66 year old with a history of heart trouble, yet his passing was a complete shock. He left behind a wife and 4 boys and a whole host of extended family. It turns out that he was also very active politically and will be sorely missed by those who knew him.
The man that he was is not the point of this entry. The point of this entry is how in times of crises, our deepest, darkest neuroses rise to the surface. Given that in times of loss, like a funeral, family is thrown together in close quarters for extended periods, this is not a good thing.
In the Hindu faith, there are a series of rites, rituals and prayers that have to be followed. So in times of loss, not only does the family have to deal with the loss of a loved one, we have to bloody run around like headless chicken organising a series of ceremonies. Organising a single ceremony is monumental enough, but to have to do it time and again over the course of a month is just plain exhausting. Of course, all this in addition to living day to day is just a disaster waiting to happen.
Of course, given the family I come from, disaster waiting to happen is putting it mildly. My family is a walking disaster area, on a good day and in times like this, well, you get the idea. So here I am stuck playing intermediary for paranoid, drama fed old ladies who have been lying in wait for an occassion like this. It's like these old crones have nothing else to bloody do with their time except brood in a corner all day, watching tamil serials and feed their own delusions of grandeur.
So I have a week more of putting up with this powder keg parading as a family before I am free of them for awhile. Wish me luck.
Just Me.
My grand uncle passed away on Sunday. He was a 66 year old with a history of heart trouble, yet his passing was a complete shock. He left behind a wife and 4 boys and a whole host of extended family. It turns out that he was also very active politically and will be sorely missed by those who knew him.
The man that he was is not the point of this entry. The point of this entry is how in times of crises, our deepest, darkest neuroses rise to the surface. Given that in times of loss, like a funeral, family is thrown together in close quarters for extended periods, this is not a good thing.
In the Hindu faith, there are a series of rites, rituals and prayers that have to be followed. So in times of loss, not only does the family have to deal with the loss of a loved one, we have to bloody run around like headless chicken organising a series of ceremonies. Organising a single ceremony is monumental enough, but to have to do it time and again over the course of a month is just plain exhausting. Of course, all this in addition to living day to day is just a disaster waiting to happen.
Of course, given the family I come from, disaster waiting to happen is putting it mildly. My family is a walking disaster area, on a good day and in times like this, well, you get the idea. So here I am stuck playing intermediary for paranoid, drama fed old ladies who have been lying in wait for an occassion like this. It's like these old crones have nothing else to bloody do with their time except brood in a corner all day, watching tamil serials and feed their own delusions of grandeur.
So I have a week more of putting up with this powder keg parading as a family before I am free of them for awhile. Wish me luck.
Just Me.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Tradition
Some times, people do things the way they do things, because that's the way they've always done things and they refuse to do things in a new way even though there is irrefutable proof that there is a better of doing things and then it's become tradition when all they really mean is FUCKING habit!
Just Me.
Just Me.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Mother's Day
Mother's Day. It's a day you show your mother you appreciate her. My initial thought was 'what bollocks!'. Mother's day is just so much commercial bullshit conjured up by the greeting card company. Somehow over time, the greeting card companies, the florists have brainwashed all of us into believing that a card on this one special day of the year makes up for the fact that we take our mothers for granted the rest of the year. It's like how the florists have men believing that a bouquet of flowers will make up for the fact that they've been callous assholes.
Anyway, that was my initial thought. I have however, begun to see some merit in it. Don't get me wrong, I don't buy into any of the hullabaloo over cards and flowers and gifts and such. However, I look at Mother's Day as a kind of birthday. It's one day in the year when I overlook all the myriad ways that my mother drives me up the wall. I try not to give rein to my anger or irritation.
I love my mother. I truly love her and she's a really wonderful person. I just don't like her very much. She is demanding and unreasonable and old-fashioned and paranoid and quite simply annoys the living daylights out of me. So for one day in the whole year...two if you count her birthday, I bite my tongue and let her interfering, inane remarks roll off me like water off a duck's back.
Dear God, give me strength!
Just Me.
Anyway, that was my initial thought. I have however, begun to see some merit in it. Don't get me wrong, I don't buy into any of the hullabaloo over cards and flowers and gifts and such. However, I look at Mother's Day as a kind of birthday. It's one day in the year when I overlook all the myriad ways that my mother drives me up the wall. I try not to give rein to my anger or irritation.
I love my mother. I truly love her and she's a really wonderful person. I just don't like her very much. She is demanding and unreasonable and old-fashioned and paranoid and quite simply annoys the living daylights out of me. So for one day in the whole year...two if you count her birthday, I bite my tongue and let her interfering, inane remarks roll off me like water off a duck's back.
Dear God, give me strength!
Just Me.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Disconnect
I have come to believe that all mammals are biologically programmed to want to leave the nest at a certain age. This 'disconnect' function is evident in all mammals including the human animal. However, in humans, this 'disconnect' age happens later in life. You see, unlike the young of most other animals, young humans are quite fragile and require the guidance and protection of the adlut for longer. This is because we have evolved different purposes to our existence and set ourselves apart from mere animals.
However, this biological need to leave the nest so to speak is one that we cannot overcome. I have the utmost respect for those who can overlook this call of nature and live with their parents well into adulthood. In Asian families it is quite common for extended families to stay together under one roof and I cannot fathom how that is possible. I believe that at a certain point in our adult lives, it becomes quite impossible to live with our parents. I know I can't. Well I can but not all the time. I value my privacy and my space. Don't get me wrong I love my family but I do not want to and simply cannot deal with them 24 hours a day. If I were stranded on a desert island with my family, I would shoot myself.
Take my advice, move out, move on, don't kid yourselves.
Just Me.
However, this biological need to leave the nest so to speak is one that we cannot overcome. I have the utmost respect for those who can overlook this call of nature and live with their parents well into adulthood. In Asian families it is quite common for extended families to stay together under one roof and I cannot fathom how that is possible. I believe that at a certain point in our adult lives, it becomes quite impossible to live with our parents. I know I can't. Well I can but not all the time. I value my privacy and my space. Don't get me wrong I love my family but I do not want to and simply cannot deal with them 24 hours a day. If I were stranded on a desert island with my family, I would shoot myself.
Take my advice, move out, move on, don't kid yourselves.
Just Me.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
The Battle of the Bulge
Diet plan for 1500 kcal/d
Breakfast : 8 - 9 am
2 slices of bread (white)/wholemeal+vegetables+egg/tuna/sardine/keju
@1 small bowl rice/mee/bee hoon/kuey teow+vegetable+chicken/egg/tofu
@1 piece capati/dosai+dhal
@6 pieces biscuit (without sugar)
1 cup of coffee/tea
+ 3 spoons of non-fat or lowfat milk
Lunch: 12 - 2 pm/ Dinner 6 - 8 pm (four hours before bedtime)
1 small bowl rice/mee/bee hoon/kuey teow
@1 piece capati/dosai
@2 slices bread white/wholemeal
+1 piece (3 ounces) chicken/fish/meat
+1 cup leafy greens/beans
+1 portion fruit
*Fried food/santan allowed only once per day
*only 2 spoons of gravy per meal
Tea time 3-4pm/Supper (if hungry) 10-11pm
3 pieces biscuits (no sugar)
@1 slice of bread white/wholemeal
@1 piece of 'kuih tanpa gula'
1 cup of tea/coffee
+2 spoons of nonfat/lowfat milk
chew food till liquid
drink water only 30 minutes after meal
According to a dietician, this is the best sort of diet plan to lose 4 kilogrammes in a month. This coupled with 30 minutes of exercise per day. Is there any wonder that there are so many miracle cures out there? Or that there are so many overweight, demotivated people in the world. Yikes. Let's see how long I last.
Just Me.
Breakfast : 8 - 9 am
2 slices of bread (white)/wholemeal+vegetables+egg/tuna/sardine/keju
@1 small bowl rice/mee/bee hoon/kuey teow+vegetable+chicken/egg/tofu
@1 piece capati/dosai+dhal
@6 pieces biscuit (without sugar)
1 cup of coffee/tea
+ 3 spoons of non-fat or lowfat milk
Lunch: 12 - 2 pm/ Dinner 6 - 8 pm (four hours before bedtime)
1 small bowl rice/mee/bee hoon/kuey teow
@1 piece capati/dosai
@2 slices bread white/wholemeal
+1 piece (3 ounces) chicken/fish/meat
+1 cup leafy greens/beans
+1 portion fruit
*Fried food/santan allowed only once per day
*only 2 spoons of gravy per meal
Tea time 3-4pm/Supper (if hungry) 10-11pm
3 pieces biscuits (no sugar)
@1 slice of bread white/wholemeal
@1 piece of 'kuih tanpa gula'
1 cup of tea/coffee
+2 spoons of nonfat/lowfat milk
chew food till liquid
drink water only 30 minutes after meal
According to a dietician, this is the best sort of diet plan to lose 4 kilogrammes in a month. This coupled with 30 minutes of exercise per day. Is there any wonder that there are so many miracle cures out there? Or that there are so many overweight, demotivated people in the world. Yikes. Let's see how long I last.
Just Me.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Can't live with em...can't live without em
Families are best taken in small doses. I envy those families that can stand to be in each other's presence for extended periods of time. I know for a fact that there are extended families who until today live under one roof. This is a long honoured Eastern tradition and really I don't see how that works in this day and age.
I can't even spend a week with my family without going completely out of my mind. I suppose I am used to being on my own and not having my actions questioned. I am used to having a reason for actions being taken.
To top it all off I have no patience for imaginary schedules and pointless urgency. I do not like to be rushed. I do enjoy time with family, they are my family after all and they are the people who know me well, at least on the surface of it. They know my history. I have come to realise that as I have set off on my individual journey, I have history unknown to my family and they are no longer people who know me the best. In fact, over the past year I have come to realise that my family no longer knows me at all.
I have outgrown them. What is truly sad is that my family does not realise that
I am no longer the same person I once was. It is a sad fact of life and one that cannot be changed. Truth be told I do not know if I would want to. As much as they no longer know who I am, the reverse that I do not know who they are is also true.
Just Me.
I can't even spend a week with my family without going completely out of my mind. I suppose I am used to being on my own and not having my actions questioned. I am used to having a reason for actions being taken.
To top it all off I have no patience for imaginary schedules and pointless urgency. I do not like to be rushed. I do enjoy time with family, they are my family after all and they are the people who know me well, at least on the surface of it. They know my history. I have come to realise that as I have set off on my individual journey, I have history unknown to my family and they are no longer people who know me the best. In fact, over the past year I have come to realise that my family no longer knows me at all.
I have outgrown them. What is truly sad is that my family does not realise that
I am no longer the same person I once was. It is a sad fact of life and one that cannot be changed. Truth be told I do not know if I would want to. As much as they no longer know who I am, the reverse that I do not know who they are is also true.
Just Me.
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