Stress

There is something that happens when you're a single Indian woman of a certain age. Regardless of how successful, pretty, loveable, likeable you are, there is a perception that sets in. The perception that there is something wrong with you. Something that may not be visible on the surface, but a wrongness that is serious. So what do you do when you are that single Indian woman of a certain age? Mostly, you try desperately for years to 'better' yourself. Change every little thing about yourself that your well meaning married family members tell you is the problem with you. After a couple of years of this; unsuccessful, unhappy, frustrating years, a few get lucky, some get angry, most get sad.
Arranged marriages and marriage brokers may not be exclusive to the Indian community, though I do believe that it most prevalent in this community. The job of a marriage broker is exactly how it sounds. You walk around with a list prospective brides, prospective grooms and you try to set them up. Of course, given how slowly cultures change, the actual process is convoluted at best. Women or men, who at wits end to meet a prospective mate and find themselves at the mercy of these brokers are in for a bumpy ride.
Being a child of this age, where everything is possible, an age of reason and technology, it is difficult to surrender all that to the whims and fancies of fate. I grew up believing in love. I grew up, believing that I would find a man who would love me for who I am. Exactly as I am. That I would find someone who would accept me and fit into my life as seamlessly as I would fit into his. I still believe that but it is a quickly fading hope and I find myself day by day believing it less and less. It is like watching your foundations crumble and wash away and be helpless to do anything about it.
I feel like I have lost something I didn't even know I had. It has slipped through my fingers before I could even fully comprehend all that it meant to me.
Just Me.