I'm watching a show about people who are trying to quit smoking. As I sit here watching their withdrawal symptoms and everything they are going through, I'm amazed at the sheer drama invloved. I do not want to belittle their experiences or anything. I know first hand how difficult it is to give up an addiction.
I have been smoke free for about three years now. The surprising thing about it, was that I quit cold turkey and other than a cold that didn't go away for about three months after, I didn't have any problems. I didn't have withdrawal symptoms or mood swings or any of the other drama that these people are going through.
Watching the show though, I feel like lighting up. Ironically for me, I gave up an addiction easier than I gave up drinking. I gave up alcohol about two years ago. I was not an alcoholic or a binge drinker or even a regular drinker at that point. I gave up alcohol for spiritual reasons. I honestly have had more relapses with alcohol than with cigarettes. I find this somewhat amusing, because when I decided that I was going to give up alcohol, I hadn't even had a drink in over 7 or 8 months; whereas I was a 30 sticks a day smoker when I quit. So why was it so easy for me? My cousins and ex-smoking buddies are absolutely flabbergasted that I gave up so easily and that I have stayed smoke free for so long. I don't even feel the urge. I used to reach for a cigarrette whenever I felt bored. I used to smoke just to give my hands something to do. I won't pretend that I don't get bored sometimes, but I decided that cigarettes will no longer be a boredom reliever and so I simply don't even think about it.
With alcohol, it was never an addiction. It wasn't even a regular thing. The problem with alcohol is that it's a social nicety that I miss. It doesn't help that I am surrounded by people who don't understand why I've quit drinking.
There was no point to this entry but I just felt that I had to get it out there.
Just Me.
Friday, May 07, 2010
Monday, May 03, 2010
Bad Luck...
Comes in threes? Never has a saying filled me with more dread than this one. See this month alone, I've had two brushes with bad luck. Firstly, I' had my handbag snatched off me as I exited from the bank. This guy ran up and literally cut the handbag off my shoulder and ran off into the night. I lost my wallet which held my credit cards, my ATM card, my membership cards, my little diary, my pill box, my compact mirrors, my anti-plastic recyclable bag, my money, my mother's cheque book request form, a bunch of cheques, my mobile phone and here's the kicker, my month old, barely used, birthday gift; digital camera! I'm still weeping inside about that. I barely recovered from that. I am firm believer in the Law of Attraction and being mugged was something I was absolutely certain would never happen to me. It happened and my belief system is now shaken.
When I told my mother, I was given the lecture about 'asking for it'. That's something else I don't believe in. Bad things happen and I don't believe in blaming the victim. No one walks around with a neon sign saying rob me, hurt me, hit me, rape me...whatever. That's not how it works. It's the law of the jungle. So I was upset that Iw as robbed and then I was annoyed that I was being blamed. It's only natural I suppose it doesn't make it easier. When something happens, it's human nature to want to blame something or someone. It was the reason religion got started in the first place. So in a case like this, the only person left to blame is the victim.
Things had just started to settle a little after the mugging and I had driven up to Penang with my father and then was driving down with my mother when it happened. We were just out of the tunnel after the Kuala Kangsar bridge, on a winding downhill road when we had come up to a traffic jam. I've traveled this road a thousand times and I've never seen the traffic stopped like that. I pulled into the left lane of this two lane highway and put the car into park and waited for them to let us on our way. All I remember is seeing this big blue and yellow delivery truck coming up behind me and for a heartbeat it didn't make any sense, all the cars were stopped and here was this truck moving. Then I finally realised what I was seeing, this truck was coming between the two lanes! I threw my arm across my mother in the seat next to me, slid down into my seat because my seat belt doesn't work, put my foot on the brake and braced my arm against the steering wheel. (And yes, I realise now that bracing my arm against the wheel like that was an incredibly stupid thing to do. A hard impact would break my arm. So for future reference DON'T DO THAT!!!!!) Anyway, back to the story. I feel an impact because the Toyota Unser behind me smacked into me. For two heartbeats I thought that would be it, but I was wrong because the car jolted forward and smacked into the Toyota Hilux in front of me. The runaway delevery truck had bounced off the Unser behind me and scraped along the Hilux in front tearing off a side view mirror and coming to a stop wedged between the Hilux and the little lorry in the right lane. Now I drive a dinky little Proton Wira Aeroback Sports Edition and both the Toyotas are big solid things. The impact on the front was especially bad because the Hilux is a huge four wheel drive with a high rear end. My bonnet folded up like an accordion and the inside of my car got pushed a good five inches from the front bumper. Stepping out of the car, I could the hiss of gas escaping. There was tow truck in the line of cars behind us who thankfully stopped, helped, got us out of harms way and towed us to the nearest police station and workshop and so on. Bottom line, I'm out of a car for about a month.
One of the first things my mother said to a relative that called us right after the accident was that it's 'my daughter's bad time'. Way to play blame game mom. After these two, I'm wondering what's in store for me. I am trying hard not to think about the dreaded third time but it's there at the back of my mind.
I am determined to look at this positively. I did not lose anything that could not be replaced. Yes, it will cost some money and possibly a lot of time but I'm safe and my mother is unhurt so thi was a good thing. There's also a saying that the third time's the charm...so maybe the third time will be a blessing or a spot of fabulous good luck. Here's to the third time!
Just Me.
When I told my mother, I was given the lecture about 'asking for it'. That's something else I don't believe in. Bad things happen and I don't believe in blaming the victim. No one walks around with a neon sign saying rob me, hurt me, hit me, rape me...whatever. That's not how it works. It's the law of the jungle. So I was upset that Iw as robbed and then I was annoyed that I was being blamed. It's only natural I suppose it doesn't make it easier. When something happens, it's human nature to want to blame something or someone. It was the reason religion got started in the first place. So in a case like this, the only person left to blame is the victim.
Things had just started to settle a little after the mugging and I had driven up to Penang with my father and then was driving down with my mother when it happened. We were just out of the tunnel after the Kuala Kangsar bridge, on a winding downhill road when we had come up to a traffic jam. I've traveled this road a thousand times and I've never seen the traffic stopped like that. I pulled into the left lane of this two lane highway and put the car into park and waited for them to let us on our way. All I remember is seeing this big blue and yellow delivery truck coming up behind me and for a heartbeat it didn't make any sense, all the cars were stopped and here was this truck moving. Then I finally realised what I was seeing, this truck was coming between the two lanes! I threw my arm across my mother in the seat next to me, slid down into my seat because my seat belt doesn't work, put my foot on the brake and braced my arm against the steering wheel. (And yes, I realise now that bracing my arm against the wheel like that was an incredibly stupid thing to do. A hard impact would break my arm. So for future reference DON'T DO THAT!!!!!) Anyway, back to the story. I feel an impact because the Toyota Unser behind me smacked into me. For two heartbeats I thought that would be it, but I was wrong because the car jolted forward and smacked into the Toyota Hilux in front of me. The runaway delevery truck had bounced off the Unser behind me and scraped along the Hilux in front tearing off a side view mirror and coming to a stop wedged between the Hilux and the little lorry in the right lane. Now I drive a dinky little Proton Wira Aeroback Sports Edition and both the Toyotas are big solid things. The impact on the front was especially bad because the Hilux is a huge four wheel drive with a high rear end. My bonnet folded up like an accordion and the inside of my car got pushed a good five inches from the front bumper. Stepping out of the car, I could the hiss of gas escaping. There was tow truck in the line of cars behind us who thankfully stopped, helped, got us out of harms way and towed us to the nearest police station and workshop and so on. Bottom line, I'm out of a car for about a month.
One of the first things my mother said to a relative that called us right after the accident was that it's 'my daughter's bad time'. Way to play blame game mom. After these two, I'm wondering what's in store for me. I am trying hard not to think about the dreaded third time but it's there at the back of my mind.
I am determined to look at this positively. I did not lose anything that could not be replaced. Yes, it will cost some money and possibly a lot of time but I'm safe and my mother is unhurt so thi was a good thing. There's also a saying that the third time's the charm...so maybe the third time will be a blessing or a spot of fabulous good luck. Here's to the third time!
Just Me.
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