AFRAID

So after a sleeve gastrectomy and watching what I eat and exercising, I have lost massive amounts of weight. I am not down to my ideal weight as yet. This is something I am going to remedy in the next year.
Anyway, the point is, the rapid weight loss has had some side effects. Possible hair loss, saggy skin. Saggy boobs. I knew there was going to be more surgery in the works. I was quite content to put it out of my mind. I wanted to wait till I had hit my ideal weight before I even thought about a skin tuck. Unfortunately the people around me were not as patient. I am getting on in my years and in an Asian community, no one believes that love can happen at any age. I want to get married. I want to find my special someone. I am not in an all fired hurry to do it however, because you know what? I believe in love and I don't think it can be rushed. I would rather not believe that it depends on how I look but I do know that how I look directly affects how I feel about myself. So to that end, I have been pushed into agreeing to do the skin tuck on my arms.
My admission for surgical assessment is tomorrow. DAMN IT!
I am freaked the fuck out!
You know I have been freaking out about this so much that I have been sabotaging myself. I have put on weight. I have been eating wrong. I have been bingeing. I am scared out of my mind!
Enough! I am going for my surgical assessment. And if I get my surgery done. Good!
I will be that much closer to my ideal weight! I am giving myself one more year to hit 65 KILOS! No starving but if I have to spend 4 hours a day working out! So be it! I don't have anything else to bloody do...so why not!
Just ME!