TRIGGERS

The key to managing anxiety and depression, is self-awareness. 

It is said that knowledge is power. I very much agree. I believe in knowledge. I believe that knowledge grants you control. It at least gives you the illusion of control. I understand intellectually, that control is oftentimes illusory and fleeting. However, managing my anxiety has always depended on managing the illusion of control. I convince myself that I am in control. I convince myself by gaining knowledge. 

Knowledge to me is the ultimate power. I expend a lot of energy figuring out how things work so that I can make it work for me. It takes me down the path of overthinking perhaps, but it also keeps me from spinning out. 

I hate being denied knowledge. I refuse to take things on faith. I bristle at being told to simply follow instructions. I refuse to be monitored. I am accountable to no one but myself. 

I don't see that as something to be changed. I can understand being accountable when it is a job that I am being paid to do. I refuse to be hounded into watching what I eat. I didn't join a gym because I didn't want this nonsense. I don't care if it's my best friend, I refuse to be watched and judged. It's not happening. I have enough of that to deal with. I am not subjecting myself to this. 

Just Me.