RESOLUTIONS

 It is the start of 2026. This is usually the time where people look back on the past year and reflect on the coming year. I am like most people but I don't know if I can look back on the past year with any honesty. 

The past year has been good on the whole. I have found a good job. That has been the highlight of the year. My job has been a godsend. It is not something I envisioned for myself but I am grateful to have found it. The work is not challenging compared to what I've done in the past but I am embracing the differences. It is not some high flying corporate job but I see the potential for growth and more importantly there is no stress. Sometimes it does get boring, especially when there aren't any proposals for me to do but I am grateful. 

With that gratitude comes so much anxiety. I always feel that I am not doing enough and that I am pulling my weight. I also am constantly afraid that I am going to lose this job. I was recently told that this is  not normal behaviour. It seems logical to me. It seems logical to be afraid to lose something that is precious to you. Then again, my idea of normal is pretty skewed. 

I am determined to not worry about it. I am only going to worry if there is something to worry about. I need to speak to my bosses and see if there is anything that needs to be improved. 

The downside of the year is of course my weight. This is something that has dominated my thoughts and emotions for my whole life. It hasn't changed. My weight has gone up and with it my emotions have gone down. I try not to think about it too much and I think that is detrimental because I then don't think about the important stuff like what to eat every night. 

So maybe I should start thinking about it. Planning for it. Prepping for it. My weight already occupies all of my energy and my thoughts, I think it's time to make that work for me instead of against me. 

Just Me.